May 28, 2006
Seventh Sunday after Easter
John 15:1-8

I knew I was already planning on preaching about family values when I received this newspaper article from my first cousin once removed, Helen Rachel. It is from the Post Bulletin in Rochester, MN, dated Thursday, July 26, 1979. The headline reads, "It's a switch--City Man is a 'Househusband.'" Pictured here is my family: my dad, mom and that is a nine-year-old Adam right there in back.

I really didn't understand that my family was different than other families until this article was written about my dad staying home while my mother worked. Here's an excerpt, "Steven Blons knew he had become a bona fide househusband when his son, Adam, 9, tracked dirt on the kitchen floor he had just scrubbed…he yelled, 'Who got all this dirt on MY floor!'…Casual observers cannot comprehend the situation and some make sexist jokes about it. And the Blonses, who have been married 14 years, sometimes have doubts themselves about what they are doing. But for the most part, they think the role switch has been good–making them feel more 'complete' as individuals and as family members and strengthening non-sexist values in their son…Adam himself says he is comfortable with the role switch." (Post Bulletin, Rochester, MN, Thursday, July 26, 1979 page 21)

Even more than comfortable, I loved coming home to my dad! I remember having so much fun cooking dinner with him and having him help me with my homework. I was proud of my family. And even though this article made me realize for the first time that our family was different than some norm, it was just cool to have my family written up in the newspaper!

I was utterly clueless at the time that this was only the tip of the iceberg of the changes my family would go through--my parent's separation, divorce and eventual remarriages--or that our family was part of a tide of changes happening to families all across the country.

Not coincidentally, around the same time that this article was written, Dr. James Dobson launched one of the most successful national campaigns to save traditional family values called Focus on the Family.

Indeed, many changes were happening in American families during this time according to a recent Sojourners magazine article. For starters, American feminism suggested that women "see work outside the home, for wages, as necessary for their empowerment and autonomy…And the 'do-your-own-thing' individualism of the 1960's gave birth to 'no-fault' divorce laws…[making] it legally easier for parents to shed family commitments." ("Taking Back Our Kids" by Danny and Polly Duncan Collum, Sojourners, Vol. 35, No. 1, page 13-14). In addition, poverty and racism were tearing apart inner city African American families and recent immigrants from Latin America and Asia challenged definitions of immediate and extended family. Conservatives, and in particular, conservative Christians saw these changes as threats to the traditional nuclear family and sounded the alarm--Focus on the Family was born!

The mission of Focus on the Family, founded by Dr. James Dobson is "To cooperate with the Holy Spirit in disseminating the Gospel of Jesus Christ to as many people as possible, and, specifically, to accomplish that objective by helping to preserve traditional values and the institution of the family" (http://www. family.org/welcome/aboutfof/a0005554.cfm). Thirty years later, Focus on the Family has 2.3 million subscribers to 10 magazines. Dr. Dobson is heard daily on 3,000 radio stations in North American and over 6,000 stations in 116 countries world wide. He has an estimated audience of over 200 million people. Just what is he saying to people? Listen to these examples of articles on their website:

• Is Your Son Glad To Be A Boy? How Radical Feminism Harms Boys
• Shaping Your Child's Will…Parents' Actions And Reactions That Are Key In Teaching Submission
• How A Husband Should Handle His Wife's Submission
• An Ounce Of Prevention--Steps Parents Can Take So Children Will Not Choose To Be Gay
• Why Not Take Her Out For A Test Drive?--Why Cohabitation Is Not All It's Cracked Up To Be.

In fairness, there are also many articles that any one of us might find useful.

• How To Help When Your Spouse Is Depressed
• Big Dreams On A Small Budget
• When Spouses Don't Agree About Church
• Creating Intimacy And Friendship In Marriage

The appeal is real solutions for everyday family problems. The problem is, that underneath the self-help appeal is an anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-sex education, evangelical Christian political machine that has totally monopolized the national debate of family values.

The agenda of Focus on the Family is to prune back the changes in American families to what it has decided is the one ideal family. And let's be real--this means the nuclear family: two straight white parents, biological children, Christian, patriarchal, and while women are afforded the option of working, there is still the assumption that men are better at bread-winning and women are better at bread-baking. And no matter if you accept this ideal or not, it is still hangs on everyone's wall next to the rest of our family pictures. And while many American families look nothing like that, we still find ourselves dealing with it.

Just in my family alone, the picture of the ideal nuclear family has become blurry. The first marriages of my mother and all her siblings ended in divorce. After my mother died, my step-father remarried--the glossary of family relations has no term for my relationship with her. And I made things even more complicated by briefly dating her daughter. Satya has 6 grandmothers and only one of them is a blood relative. My nephew was born out of wedlock. This is just my family. What does your family tree look like? The traditional family looks more and more like a myth as our communities have filled with matriarchal immigrant families, same sex couples, grandparents raising their children's children, and many single parents. Even single people are finding new ways to create a sense of family. My wife Megan lived in a four-bedroom flat in San Francisco that was home to 16 different people throughout the 7 years she lived there. Family trees look more like family bushes especially as people begin to treat close friends as chosen family.

Biblical families were no less varied and complex. Polygamy was common; widows married their brothers-in-law; marriages were arranged; and women and children were treated as commodities. While no one is arguing for these options, Focus on the Family says their definition of the one true family is rooted in a Biblical understanding of family. While today's scripture passage is not directly about families, passages such as this are used to reinforce the idea that that just as Jesus is the one true vine of salvation under the guidance of his strong father God, so too the strong father model is the one true model for families. All others, it could be said, are to be treated like those branches that are pruned and gathered and "thrown into the fire and burned" -- vivid violent imagery.

Knowing that Focus on the Family takes scripture verses like this literally, is it a stretch to hold them accountable for violence done to gays and lesbians whose families don't fit their model? Is it a stretch to hold them responsible for US policies that expect countries to submit to our strong will? Is it a stretch to charge them with perpetuating racism, sexism, and religious intolerance? The scary reality is that the strong father model of family is on the rise. According to a recent study, "…in spite of the success of the women's movement, support for a patriarchal model of the family is on the rise…" up from 42% approval in 1992 to 52% approval in 2004. (http://www.americanprogress.org/site/pp.asp?c=biJRJ8OVF&b= 865469)

How are we as Christians, as people of faith, to respond to the use of our faith against our very own families?

To start, we must be able to respond to the same scriptures used against us. We must be able to hear and affirm a different voice from among the tangled and overgrown images of the Bible.

For example in this passage, where some Christians hear Jesus calling attention to himself: "I am the true vine", others hear Jesus pointing beyond individuality with a phrase like "the branch cannot bear fruit by itself," pointing even beyond himself to a divine vision of an interconnected human family. Where some hear the images of judgment and exclusion, others emphasize the beauty and mystery of mutuality in a phrase like "Abide in me as I abide in you." Where some hear transactional grace--abide in me and everything you wish for will be done for you--others hear the mystery of God's grace ripening unexpectedly in the wilderness of life. Values such as interdependence, compassion, mutuality, justice through non-violence, and most of all, the need for humility and God's grace in the midst of a troubled world might be the basis for a new focus on the family.

I recently read and agreed with a progressive family values agenda put forth by the Center for American Progress, a nonpartisan research and educational institute dedicated to promoting a strong, just and free America that ensures opportunity for all. Their agenda is based on equality, justice, non-violence and choice--ideals which are not exclusively Christian but certainly were the roots of Jesus' faith and ministry. Our version of this agenda might mix in some images of Jesus that inspire our faith. Here are a few examples…

1. Let the last be first and the first be last turning the powers of domination on their head ending racism, sexism, classism and religious intolerance.
2. Welcome all families to our tables, whether children are parented by a man and woman, a single parent, two parents of the same sex, grandparents, foster parents, etc.
3. Give up our privilege like Zaccheus, the rich tax collector, and eliminate the economic bias towards straight marriage creating a level playing field for same sex couples and single people.
4. Turn the rocky fields of busy family life into fertile soil again where the drive for productivity does not outweigh the value of having parents spend time with their children.
5. Stop the stone throwing and protect reproductive freedom.
6. Turn over the tables of corporations that harm children -- from environmental pollution to the invasive marketing of unhealthy food and drinks.
7. Stand against intimate violence that is a mainspring for learning to use violence to impose one's will on others--for those that live by the sword also will die by the sword

This progressive family values movement has a long way to go to build up the kind of infrastructure and impact that an organization like Focus on the Family has created. We are having George Lakoff here on Wednesday, July 19. But my dream would be for this church to boldly add its voice to the national discussion on family values, for each of us to stand up for these values in our families and workplaces, and to work just as hard as our conservative Christian brothers and sisters to celebrate the love of God we know through Jesus Christ.

This Sunday is my last Sunday with you as I prepare to take a two-month leave. I am combining part of my sabbatical leave with some study leave and vacation to do some much needed reading and to be home with Satya while Megan goes back to work full-time. Ironically, I am about to become my father in this picture (from the newspaper article mentioned above). I am actually the same age as he was in this picture and am about to become a househusband too. I am so grateful to have this time with Satya, to watch her grow and be her primary caregiver. Every day we have together as a family deepens my sense of God's abiding presence in Megan and Satya. I trust I will return from my leave changed and refreshed by it.

Every time we gather together as the family of God no matter how or where we are planted, the abiding presence of Jesus springs up in us. When in love we draw closer to one another, we draw closer to the vision of a whole and healed humanity to which Jesus points. Therefore let your faith be fertilized by Jesus' invitation into beloved community. "Abide in me just as I abide in you" and together let us be a family!

Amen.